Food addiction. According to Wikipedia it "is characterized by an obsessive/compulsiv relationship to food. An individual suffering from compulsive overeating disorder engages in frequent episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binge eating, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control, often consuming food past the point of being comfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by feelings of guilt and depression. Unlike individuals with bulimia, compulsive overeaters do not attempt to compensate for their binging with purging behaviors such as fasting, laxative use or vomiting. Compulsive overeaters will typically eat when they are not hungry. Their obsession is demonstrated in that they spend excessive amounts of time and thought devoted to food, and secretly plan or fantasize about eating alone. Compulsive overeating usually leads to weight gain and obesity, but not everyone who is obese is also a compulsive overeater. While compulsive overeaters tend to be overweight or obese, persons of normal or average weight can also be affected. In addition to binge eating, compulsive overeaters can also engage in grazing behavior, during which they return to pick at food throughout the day. These things result in a large overall number of calories consumed even if the quantities eaten at any one time may be small. When a compulsive eater overeats primarily through binging, he or she can be said to have binge eating disorder." It's not like any other addiction because we need food to survive. You can't just stop eating. Some people eat to live but others live to eat. I fall under the live to eat category. I eat when I am happy, excited, sad, angry, depressed, stressed...pretty much I can use any emotion or situation as an excuse to eat. It's something I've struggled with all of my life but I find as I have shed all of my other nasty addictions the food one bears its ugly head more and more. It's been over a year since I've had Clover and I still haven't shed all the baby weight. I have come to terms with my body and am mostly comfortable in my own skin but I want to be healthy. I don't need a supermodel body just a healthy one. I have been given this strong healthy body and I choose to abuse it instead of nurture and strengthen it. Somewhere this has to end. It has been three days since I started a cleanse to change the way I think about food and give my body a new start. It's going really well. I feel good about all of it. I have modified it a bit to fit my needs. The original Master Cleanse includes no food whatsoever and lasts 10 days. I feel like although this is definitely cleansing it is also hard on my body. It cuts my entire caloric intake to 675 calories a day. My goal here is not to lose weight (although that is a plus but only temporary, once I start eating again it will all come back) but to retrain my body and mind how I think about food. Only last night did I decide to modify it. During the day, which is the most stressful time for me, I have chosen to drink the lemonade from the Master Cleanse instead of eating breakfast and lunch and then have a healthy dinner. Hopefully by not giving myself the option to gorge myself when I am stressed or having a hard day I will be able to break the hold that food possesses over me. I don't feel deprived by any means. Being able to eat a meal at the end of the day really changes my whole mindset. I am not completely cutting myself off and instead of saying NO FOOD I am saying not right now. I tend to do the opposite of what I am told to do. There is something in me that just has to rebel to prove you wrong and that I can do that. "Watch me." Famous last words of mine. At times this has served me well but it can also be a downfall. I am super excited and very optimistic. Right now I am shooting for ten days. Depending on how I am feeling I might go longer but for sure 10 days. I get to do a lot of "soul-searching" with this. I am definitely on a journey and who knows where it will lead but it will take me somewhere and I choose to make that an amazing place.
