My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

I love reading the bible. I will go through periods where I won't even pick it up because I get caught up in the craziness of life but it has so many wonderful things that speak to me and teach and encourage me. Lately I have been struggling with not having all the material things I want... a house that we own, not being able to just buy all the toys my kids could ever dream of, clothes that are new and not from D.I., gifts for Pete, etc. Just struggling at times with money. Today I was reading in Ecclesiastes 4-6 as well as 2 Corinthians 12 and it really spoke to this. In Ecclesiastes he was saying basically the richest man is not always the happiest. When we die nothing of this world goes with us. We can't bring to heaven anything that we carry or have worked so hard for...material things, status, anything but a humble heart. As Beth says it all ends up in the landfill anyway. And it does! How amazing and profound that is. It is so easy to get caught up in the things we don't have but when you take a step back and look at all the blessings we have been given life is completely beautiful! Even the trials are blessings. My needs are taken care of. We have a roof over our head, food to eat, clothes to wear, cars to get around town, diapers for our sweet girl, an amazing daughter and family, everything we need has been provided for us. We came up here knowing it was God's plan but having no idea how we were going to support ourselves and low and behold Pete was offered a job that asked him how much he needed to make to support us. Amazing!!! When we needed a bigger car for all the little munchkins God provided a way for that to happen. Even in San Diego when we first got married money was extremely tight. Pete was working as a barista at Starbucks and I was an assistant manager. We could barely cover our bills. One month it came down to paying rent or paying out tithe. Hard decision. After much thought and prayer we decided to pay our tithe not knowing how rent would be payed but confident that somehow we would be taken care of. The next day I received my bonus from work two weeks early and it was just enough to cover the last part of rent that we were missing. Wow!!! My point is we don't need a ton of things to be happy. God is faithful and will always provide. The happiest people in life don't always have the nicest newest things but make the most of what they do have and use the trials to become stronger. Thank you Lord for all that you do and all that you have blessed us with.

Time flies whether you're having fun or getting a good punch in the face!

September 17 already wow!!! We have been in Salt Lake for 7 1/2 months already. I can't even believe it. My sweet Clover Bear will be 9 months old in 5 days!!! How amazing this life is. I love my savior deeply!!! I am so thankful for my relationship with Jesus Christ. Without him I would be lost. He directs my paths. He comforts me, calms me, loves me, and has forgiven me. Amazing!!!

Clover is working on some teeth. It's been a nightmarish four months because of it. Waking up every 1-2 hours is not my idea of good sleep for her or me. Coffee has helped me get through many days. The days are fine it's the nights that kill me. At first I couldn't understand what was going on. At two months old Clover had started sleeping completely through the night then all of a sudden 5 months hit and BAM!!! No more. When I figured it out that she was trying to pop some teeth through ( and by some I mean 6...I wouldn't expect anything less from my little minkey) it gave me some peace because at least there was a reason for the madness. Some nights I was fine but others I was just plain worn out. All I could think about was sleeping. I couldn't want anything more at times. Clover and I spent many nights on the bean bag out in the living room. From there she would go to the swing, then maybe my bed, but rarely her crib. Sometimes I felt like I was losing my mind. Then last week one of the six teeth she is working on popped through and possibly some others but I have a stubborn child who refuses to let me check. Amazing! She only woke up once and spent an entire night in her crib. WHAT?! Sweet...and it keeps happening. Even if she wakes up this past week all I have to do is put in her pacifier and rub her back for a minute or possibly rock her and she is out. I am so appreciating this. Tonight she even let me rock her to sleep. Not once in her 9 months on this planet has she ever let me do that. Usually it's a roller coaster ride to even get my sweet girl to sleep. We have used the following techniques:
1. car
2. rocking her in the car seat
3. swing
4. walking and bouncing
5. letting her cry it out for a couple of hours
6. nursing to sleep
7. music
8. vibrating machine for crib

Probably some others too but I can't for the life of me remember. I am amazed at tonight and the past week. She has been cuddly even. Putting her to bed at night I first get her sleepy then when she is in her crib just sit by it to reassure her that I am not leaving. Sometimes, even though she can barely keep her eyes open, she does the crawl like a dying man in the desert, collapsing a few times before she makes it to the side of the crib then pulls herself up and lays her head on the side until I pick her up. Who can resist such a sweet baby. Then we cuddle until she falls asleep. I am loving every minute of this. I think we may have turned a corner here. Crib and sleep does not equal the devil...say it with me Clover. Let's pray for the best. It is all totally worth it even though there have been a few times (sometimes at 3AM) that I have told Pete over a screaming Clover that we are not having more children ever again!!! However, if I get to have little munchkins as amazing as this one I would do all over again! I just wanted to write that down so I can look back when I am having an off day or night and say "Oh yeah...there are good times too." Sometimes in the middle of it all any memory of a good experience disappears and all I remember are the ones where I am crying as much and as loud as Clover. :)

This Thing Called Life

It's an amazing feeling to know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in life right now. I always hope I am doing the right thing, making the right decisions, listening to what God has planned for my life and the steps it takes to get there but I am always so uncertain. This morning I just feel an amazing confirmation that no matter what happens I am where I am supposed to be. I never thought I would end up in this place. I've taken so many wrong turns who knew I would be able to untwist the path I had taken and end up right where I am. Amazing how God can take things and use them to bring you to where he wants you even if at times that is on your knees. I wouldn't change how I got here. There have been many highs and definitely some extremely low lows but it has made me who I am. For those of you who don't know my story I will share some of it. At 18 years old, after several years of using a razor to cry tears that never came I decided that life was not worth living and downed a bottle of sleeping pills and chased it with a pint of Guinness. It wasn't my time and by the grace of God I was able to drive myself to the hospital and survived. Not long after I started using alcohol to kill the pain. I loved being numb to it all. This led me to other things and I ended up finding first weed, then ecstasy, meth, and a number of other drugs that made me forget who I was, what I believed, and most of all the emotions that made me human. I spent a few years in a drug and alcohol induced haze and rarely saw my family. I was a mess and when I hit rock bottom I hit hard. I ended up back at home and with the help of my parents I was able to get clean. It wasn't to last. I met a guy and drifted right back into the lifestyle although it was more about the alcohol and weed than anything else. Alcohol was an easy out. After being together for a couple years the guy and I broke up which caused me to fall deeper into the alcohol than I had ever been. It was at this time that I met Pete. He came into my Starbucks after a bender himself and asked me out on a date. It was this day that changed my life forever. I know for a fact that God has a plan for my life if nothing else because I should not be here right now. There were so many times that I know God had to have sent more than one angel to guide me safely through life. believe with all my heart he sent me Pete to share this journey with and to encourage and lift me up when I am down. He is an amazing person who inspires me to better myself. Now we share a wonderful life together with an amazing little girl. Thank you Lord for guiding me and saving me from myself.