Thursday, November 4, 2010

Oh Man!!!

My baby is walking! Wow!!! I just can't even believe it. I keep running over and over and over it in my mind. She is WALKING. She gets so excited after about five or six steps she goes straight forward but really AHHHHHMAZING!!! It's crazy how proud I feel for her accomplishment. I want to tell and show everyone. I took her to Pete's work and then drove to Grandpa's and after that went over to Mimi and John's just to let her show off her latest trick. Is she really old enough for this? Has it been that long that she could pull this off? What happened to that little baby who could barely open her eyes, who slept for hours on end and laid content in my arms? Oh the first time I laid eyes on her my heart melted. A little slice of me and Pete right there in my arms. What a precious little gift from God. Not only is she a walking machine, her first birthday is coming up. This all just blows me away. I just hold tight each precious little moment I have with her, storing it away for a rainy day to play back in my mind as she grows. Remember when....

Monday, November 1, 2010

This is Halloween...

I know I already did a blog today but I just had to do one more. Halloween. What a fun time we had. Saturday was a blast. First we went over to Beth and Wally's for a fearsome Halloween party. What a treat! The kids had a lot of fun and it was great to be able to sit back and enjoy the merriment. Everybody looked awesome in their Halloween costumes. Clover was a little lady bug (she even wore her hat for trick or treating) and Mason was Spiderman shooting countless webs at everyone he met. I sure wish I had some endless web shooting cartridges! After that we went and picked up Laurie then headed over to the Rogers for some trick or treat fun. Mason got awesome webs painted on his face by the lovely talented Mimi Rogers. Thank goodness because if I had tried he might end up looking like a rotten piece of fruit or worse! It was cold and rainy when we went out but that just meant a little bit less candy for some munchkins. Not that they didn't get a ton and I already sample some...Yummy! All in all it was a lot of fun. Pete just laughed at me because normally I am not that into Halloween. We never celebrated it growing up and I never got into it later I guess. This year was different. It is so much more fun when you have kids! I highly recommend it. Costumes, candy, parties, trick or treating what a great day! Pictures will come later since I couldn't find my camera. Thank goodness for everybody else who were prepared to document such a fun day!

Free Falling


Have you ever felt so excited you might explode but so anxious your going to puke your guts out at the same time. That's about how I am feeling. I am so completely excited about adding Mason to our family. He already is but the courts get to say so too and this will be the case on Wednesday. WOW!!! I feel like he completes us for the time being. I am also anxious about being who and what he needs me to be as well as keeping myself open and being what Clover and Pete need as well. I know I can do it I just get to find a balance and roll with the punches. However, I just want everything to be perfect. I want to be the perfect wife, perfect daughter, perfect sister, and perfect mom with the perfect kids with perfect relationships with everyone around us...Can you say perfectionist? There is no such thing as perfect I am quite aware but something in me craves that, almost needs it. I think this was instilled in me when I was younger and so desperate to please and I have never been able to shake it. Over the years that we have been together Pete has helped me to come to terms with a lot of things and accept imperfection as a reality but since we have had children I feel like I have reverted back to the old ways. The funny thing is, when I look at someone who has the image that I want to portray I feel sorry for the kids because they are not able to be kids. They aren't able to laugh and carry on and get dirty or joke or even mess up. I think that as a child these were the expectations for us. My dad was really sick for a long time even to the point of possibly dying without a kidney transplant and this tainted us being able to be kids because he wasn't able to handle the voracity of children. I kind of feel like that my childhood was stolen in a way. Now as I am raising children I desperately want them to be themselves, silly, innocent, priceless little beings but I am so stuck on my perceptions and the past that I am having trouble being everything to them I want to be. I love them with all my heart and only want the best for them. This means I get to do a lot of work to get back to where I want to be. I deserve that and so do they. There is a fun loving free spirited girl in there somewhere and these two sides are going to tear me apart if I don't let the past go and dive freely and fully into the future with my amazing husband, sweet children, and wonderful family. Here's to gettin' CRAZY up in here!!!