So....that's that.

I've been getting very mixed feedback from a lot of people about taking Mason into our home. Most is very positive and encouraging but I am also hearing some very discouraging things. Today I am feeling discouraged. I know beyond anything that this is the right choice. We are doing as God has called us to do. I understand this is not an easy situation for anybody involved. I understand there are many challenges ahead for all of us. I know I have never been in this situation before and don't know exactly what to expect but I am not in over my head. If given direction from God he will not leave you to fend for yourself. The right way is not always the easy way but I am willing to take it and face whatever challenge comes my way. I choose not to forget the negative but focus on the positive to prepare for whatever lies ahead. I am ecstatic that we have been chosen to take this sweet boy into our home. This is something that should be celebrated. Let's surround us all with support and positive feedback instead of criticism. Right now I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs and hiding in corner. We all love Mason and want whats best for him and it has been agreed by anyone and everyone that is involved this is what's best for now. We don't know what the future holds but I am still excited to see God's plan for my life, Pete's life, Clover's life, Laurie's life, Mason's life and everyone else I love and cherish unfold, so celebrate what an amazing gift we have been given with me!

Football!!!

I get to go to the football game on Saturday! I am pretty excited. Brenda agreed to take both the little minkeys while we are there. That is pretty awesome because now I don't have to worry about a thing. I haven't been babyless for this amount of time all at once since before Clover was born. It should be fun. Adult conversation, hanging out with my super hot man and his dad and brother. Well, the conversation part might have to wait because I think the guys will be too involved in the game. That's ok. I hope the minkey's are well behaved. They usually are but when they start to get tired all bets are off. Here's to a good time and happy kids!!!

Family Fun

What a fun weekend. Mom, Grandma, and Grandpa came to visit and I sure enjoyed showing off my kids. Pete took Saturday off and we drove up Big Cottonwood Canyon and eventually ended up in Park City. It was a beautiful drive even though on our way down the pass our brakes decided to start smoking. Never had that happen before but I guess when we have the Battleship loaded down with two kids, five adults and some gear it puts a little extra pressure on the brakes. After that we came home and had a delicious dinner with Beth and Wally. Sunday was a pretty relaxed day also. We ended up downtown watching the choir sing and walking around temple square. Mason decided to go in the toilet at Temple Square which was pretty awesome!!! I never thought I would talk about going to the bathroom in the toilet so much or be so excited about it, but man, what a Mommy Rush! I will definitely be excited when he decides that the toilet is way cooler than his diaper. After Temple Square we went back to Beth and Wally's and had naps all around. Amazing!!! Considering I had only slept about 3 and 1/2 hours the night before a nap was definitely in order. Then we all sat around and watched the little munchkins play and talked about ...well I don't really remember but it was way fun. Sam even came over and scared Clover with his beard. So funny! She hates it but eventually she warmed up to him when he helped her walk. That's her all time favorite thing to do right now is walk. In fact Friday night and Saturday night she spent about 20 minutes just using the little red, yellow, and blue car as a walker back and forth across the living room. So much fun to watch. The minute she gets up she gets a huge grin that takes over her entire face then she takes off. Before I know it she's going to be walking all over the place. I figure it can't be much different than crawling. She will still get into everything, but just be upright instead of on her hands and knees. Maybe she won't wear holes in the knees of her pants so much. Mason was super busy with his cars and the awesome track that got built so Uncle Sam was old news compared that. He loves his cars and I mean loves them. Wherever we go he has to have at least one with him but more often than not he brings a handful and leaves a trail of cars to the van because his little hands can't hold the load he wants to bring. It's super cute. Not only does he love them but he is extremely protective of the cars from the babies. You would think they have saliva made of acid that is going to melt his cars the way he gets when they start heading over his way. It is pretty funny. He is getting better though and even occasionally chooses certain cars the girls can play with. He is super soft and loving with Clover. It's really fun to watch them play together. I love having him around. I sure love my family to death and already miss their guts like crazy. We had a cry fest when Pete and I had to go home because that was the end of getting to see my mom and grandparents. I always took for granted the time I got to spend with them before. I have never lived more than an hour away from my mom so this has been a whole new experience. I miss her hugs and smiles and our mommy daughter dates. Some days I just want to pick up everything and road trip back to San Diego for a visit. I love to share my kids with her and am so proud to show them off. I love that everyone got to meet Mason. I am really glad that Grandma and Grandpa decided to come up too. When I was younger I really took them for granted but as I get older I feel the need to get closer and closer with them. It's amazing to me how much of a back seat I put my family in before. Now they are the most important thing in the world to me. If I had the choice we would all live in a family commune, each with their own house but a common meeting place for meals and some good hang out time. I love it when everybody is here. The more the merrier I think. Holidays are awesome because this is the case. Today I am having kind of a mopey day. I think it's the lack of Mommy, Grandma, and Grandpa. Oh well. Onward I guess. Here's to coffee and kids. I probably wouldn't get out of bed without them some mornings.

Confessions

I am not a perfect girl.
I am human too and will fail you often
I don't have hair that stays in place
I don't have the body of a supermodel
I can be a hypocrite
I won't always agree with you but I might make you think so
Don't say you love me to get on my good side
I love to be held
I'm shy
Talk to me be interested be genuine
I'm sensitive
I am creative
Don't lie to me
I love to snuggle
Protect me
I see right through you
I cry
I am a hippie at heart
Food is my weakness
I'm artistic
Sometimes all I want is for you to hold me
I won't make it easy on you
I'm not a princess nor do I aspire to become one
I don't always say the right things
I constantly question who I am, where I am going, and everything about myself
I love with everything I am
I am passionate
Sometimes I sleep with my stuffed bunny
I have a beautiful spirit
My body is filled with scars
Laughter is my favorite medicine
I love nature
I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend
I would rather be behind the camera than in front of it
I am me and that is beautiful

New Beginnings

I am super excited that my mom and grandparents are going to be here tomorrow! That's right people, they will be here, in beautiful Salt Lake City. Amazing. On a spur of the moment decision, a couple of weeks ago, they decided to drive the 12 hours just to see yours truly and a few other people. I can't wait!!! Did I mention I was super excited?! Anyway, I am also excited for them to see Clover in all her crawling, hand holding walking, toothy glory. She is super animated now and it's definitely time for a visit. Also they get to meet the super sweet new addition to our family, Mason. Crazy! For the time being and forever in my heart, I have a son. He is the most precious little boy one could ask for. I am loving every minute of it. How amazing it is that I get to be a part of all this. I know that one of the reasons we were brought up to Salt Lake was to be able to love and cherish this little boy. I am so grateful that Mason's mom chose Pete and I, out of so many wonderful people, to be able to take in the love of her life. What a journey we are on. I have such an amazing husband. Out of the blue one day as Pete was getting ready for work I decided to bring up what I had been feeling for a little while. To my relief and amazement Pete said, "I feel the same way and I thought that was the plan all along". Really?! Amazing!!! Now here we are. Tuesday we filed for guardianship and our court date is November 3. This is such a blessing. I know that it will be a challenge in many ways but I am ready to face those challenges head on. Bring it! From the moment I met Mason I felt a connection with his little spirit. I know in my heart he is in the right place and I am thankful that those in his life feel the same way. How amazing is it that God can orchestrate things and put people in just the right place at just the right time. Wow! This is such an amazing life!

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

I love reading the bible. I will go through periods where I won't even pick it up because I get caught up in the craziness of life but it has so many wonderful things that speak to me and teach and encourage me. Lately I have been struggling with not having all the material things I want... a house that we own, not being able to just buy all the toys my kids could ever dream of, clothes that are new and not from D.I., gifts for Pete, etc. Just struggling at times with money. Today I was reading in Ecclesiastes 4-6 as well as 2 Corinthians 12 and it really spoke to this. In Ecclesiastes he was saying basically the richest man is not always the happiest. When we die nothing of this world goes with us. We can't bring to heaven anything that we carry or have worked so hard for...material things, status, anything but a humble heart. As Beth says it all ends up in the landfill anyway. And it does! How amazing and profound that is. It is so easy to get caught up in the things we don't have but when you take a step back and look at all the blessings we have been given life is completely beautiful! Even the trials are blessings. My needs are taken care of. We have a roof over our head, food to eat, clothes to wear, cars to get around town, diapers for our sweet girl, an amazing daughter and family, everything we need has been provided for us. We came up here knowing it was God's plan but having no idea how we were going to support ourselves and low and behold Pete was offered a job that asked him how much he needed to make to support us. Amazing!!! When we needed a bigger car for all the little munchkins God provided a way for that to happen. Even in San Diego when we first got married money was extremely tight. Pete was working as a barista at Starbucks and I was an assistant manager. We could barely cover our bills. One month it came down to paying rent or paying out tithe. Hard decision. After much thought and prayer we decided to pay our tithe not knowing how rent would be payed but confident that somehow we would be taken care of. The next day I received my bonus from work two weeks early and it was just enough to cover the last part of rent that we were missing. Wow!!! My point is we don't need a ton of things to be happy. God is faithful and will always provide. The happiest people in life don't always have the nicest newest things but make the most of what they do have and use the trials to become stronger. Thank you Lord for all that you do and all that you have blessed us with.

Time flies whether you're having fun or getting a good punch in the face!

September 17 already wow!!! We have been in Salt Lake for 7 1/2 months already. I can't even believe it. My sweet Clover Bear will be 9 months old in 5 days!!! How amazing this life is. I love my savior deeply!!! I am so thankful for my relationship with Jesus Christ. Without him I would be lost. He directs my paths. He comforts me, calms me, loves me, and has forgiven me. Amazing!!!

Clover is working on some teeth. It's been a nightmarish four months because of it. Waking up every 1-2 hours is not my idea of good sleep for her or me. Coffee has helped me get through many days. The days are fine it's the nights that kill me. At first I couldn't understand what was going on. At two months old Clover had started sleeping completely through the night then all of a sudden 5 months hit and BAM!!! No more. When I figured it out that she was trying to pop some teeth through ( and by some I mean 6...I wouldn't expect anything less from my little minkey) it gave me some peace because at least there was a reason for the madness. Some nights I was fine but others I was just plain worn out. All I could think about was sleeping. I couldn't want anything more at times. Clover and I spent many nights on the bean bag out in the living room. From there she would go to the swing, then maybe my bed, but rarely her crib. Sometimes I felt like I was losing my mind. Then last week one of the six teeth she is working on popped through and possibly some others but I have a stubborn child who refuses to let me check. Amazing! She only woke up once and spent an entire night in her crib. WHAT?! Sweet...and it keeps happening. Even if she wakes up this past week all I have to do is put in her pacifier and rub her back for a minute or possibly rock her and she is out. I am so appreciating this. Tonight she even let me rock her to sleep. Not once in her 9 months on this planet has she ever let me do that. Usually it's a roller coaster ride to even get my sweet girl to sleep. We have used the following techniques:
1. car
2. rocking her in the car seat
3. swing
4. walking and bouncing
5. letting her cry it out for a couple of hours
6. nursing to sleep
7. music
8. vibrating machine for crib

Probably some others too but I can't for the life of me remember. I am amazed at tonight and the past week. She has been cuddly even. Putting her to bed at night I first get her sleepy then when she is in her crib just sit by it to reassure her that I am not leaving. Sometimes, even though she can barely keep her eyes open, she does the crawl like a dying man in the desert, collapsing a few times before she makes it to the side of the crib then pulls herself up and lays her head on the side until I pick her up. Who can resist such a sweet baby. Then we cuddle until she falls asleep. I am loving every minute of this. I think we may have turned a corner here. Crib and sleep does not equal the devil...say it with me Clover. Let's pray for the best. It is all totally worth it even though there have been a few times (sometimes at 3AM) that I have told Pete over a screaming Clover that we are not having more children ever again!!! However, if I get to have little munchkins as amazing as this one I would do all over again! I just wanted to write that down so I can look back when I am having an off day or night and say "Oh yeah...there are good times too." Sometimes in the middle of it all any memory of a good experience disappears and all I remember are the ones where I am crying as much and as loud as Clover. :)